DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS #4

Hey, it's only taken me until February to make my first blog post of the year! To make up for the long gap, I'm presenting a new Disturbing Library Find!


Yes, the adorable little tale of an adorable little mole in adorable search of "whodunit". That "hat" on his head? It is what you think it is. A co-worker originally found this in its original German format and passed it on to me, thinking it ideal for Disturbing Library Finds. He was right. Everyone I show this book to, whether in German or the above-pictured English translation, tends to sit with their mouth gaping open in disbelief.

The little mole pops his head out of his hole one morning and, yes, suddenly has crap land on his head. Understandably pissed off about this, he goes from animal to animal, asking if they are the perpetrator. On each double-page spread, each animal proves their innocence by letting go with their own, unique feces. There are thuds and splats all over the place. Wherever these animals all dwell together is obviously to be avoided if you care about your footwear at all.

I won't spoil the ending for you by revealing "whodunit" but I will let you know that the mole clearly believes in "an eye for an eye" and gives as good as he gets.

DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS #3

Lynn suggested this one:



Where Willy Went... by Nicholas Allan. It is, as the cover notes, "the big story of a little sperm".

Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problem with teaching youngsters about the facts of life. (You see, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... wait a minute. Since when do "bad" and "have" rhyme?) The contents are the book are pretty inoffensive and does a decent if simplistic job of explaining the facts to the sprogs. But...

Where Willy went? Where Willy went?! Is that a wise name to be using in this context? I know they were going for alliteration but, come on!

And the poor girl born in our tale, saddled with the name... Edna. I can only presume this name was chosen because of the 99.9% likelyhood that it wouldn't match the name of any young girl reading the book. The name only reminds me of that old recurring sketch on "SCTV", Ted and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium". "Isn't that right, Tex?" "That's right, Edna!"

But the icing on the cake... oh, dear god, I hope that's icing... the icing on the cake is the dedication (which does not appear until the end of the book). "To Rod Stewart." The hell?! Rod Stewart?! Rod "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" Stewart? Where did that come from? I... I... ... I got nothin'. That's just too bizarre for me to come up with a witty comment...

DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS #2

I just about shrieked in terror when I spotted this little beauty:

Richard Simmons: Dance Your Pants Off. I'm sorry, but under no circumstances do I want Richard Simmons mentioning my pants. Ever.

The description on the back of the video invites you to "Simmonsville" (shudder) where you can boogie those pounds away to, ahem, "classic" songs of the '80s. Check out that list of tunes:

• "Celebration"
• "She Works Hard For The Money"
• "Flashdance"
• "All Night Long"
• "The Rose"
• "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

"Total Eclipse Of The Heart". "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"! You're meant to work out to Bonnie Tyler's overraught, Wagnerian magnum opus? Is it the 47 minute version or only the 17 minute radio edit?

And "The Rose"? Double that with "Eclipse" and you've got the most depressing work-out ever! "Come on, work it, people! ... Why are you all curled up into the fetal position and sobbing?"

DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS: #1 IN A POTENTIALLY ONGOING SERIES

So, I'm at the downtown library yesterday, pulling requested holds. And I find this on the list:

Yes, that is a bedspread featuring a full 3-D garden. When I first saw the cover, I simply said to myself: "Oh. My. God." I showed it to a few others back in the workroom. Their reactions: "Oh. My. God." Some of us discussed the possibility of yarn topiary. Using little, teeny tiny gardening shears.