DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS #2

I just about shrieked in terror when I spotted this little beauty:

Richard Simmons: Dance Your Pants Off. I'm sorry, but under no circumstances do I want Richard Simmons mentioning my pants. Ever.

The description on the back of the video invites you to "Simmonsville" (shudder) where you can boogie those pounds away to, ahem, "classic" songs of the '80s. Check out that list of tunes:

• "Celebration"
• "She Works Hard For The Money"
• "Flashdance"
• "All Night Long"
• "The Rose"
• "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

"Total Eclipse Of The Heart". "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"! You're meant to work out to Bonnie Tyler's overraught, Wagnerian magnum opus? Is it the 47 minute version or only the 17 minute radio edit?

And "The Rose"? Double that with "Eclipse" and you've got the most depressing work-out ever! "Come on, work it, people! ... Why are you all curled up into the fetal position and sobbing?"