DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS #2

I just about shrieked in terror when I spotted this little beauty:

Richard Simmons: Dance Your Pants Off. I'm sorry, but under no circumstances do I want Richard Simmons mentioning my pants. Ever.

The description on the back of the video invites you to "Simmonsville" (shudder) where you can boogie those pounds away to, ahem, "classic" songs of the '80s. Check out that list of tunes:

• "Celebration"
• "She Works Hard For The Money"
• "Flashdance"
• "All Night Long"
• "The Rose"
• "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

"Total Eclipse Of The Heart". "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"! You're meant to work out to Bonnie Tyler's overraught, Wagnerian magnum opus? Is it the 47 minute version or only the 17 minute radio edit?

And "The Rose"? Double that with "Eclipse" and you've got the most depressing work-out ever! "Come on, work it, people! ... Why are you all curled up into the fetal position and sobbing?"

I didn't manage to wear anything green, but we did do something for Saint Patrick's Day on Saturday.

Our friend Kathleen's birthday is on the 21st, but instead of getting her a gift, she wanted us to join her and her significant other Brian and a couple of other friends at the Central Bar and Grill downtown for a performance by Jim Byrnes and his blues band. (You know, the guy from "Wiseguy" and "Highlander: The Series".)

The music was entertaining enough, but the real thrills came from watching those around. A lot of increasingly drunk bar patrons who were just enough past their prime for it to be truly embarrassing when they started shaking their moneymakers. Folks who really should know better flailing their arms in a most uncoordinated fashion. There was much giggling from Lynn and myself. Especially when that one lady fell over. I kid you not. She and her beau are "rockin'" away and suddenly, WHUMP, she's on the floor. She wasn't hurt or anything, mostly embarrassed. Oh, and none of this was anywhere near the actual dancefloor. And some people wonder why I don't drink...

Still, I'd rather be surrounded by happy drunks than the type who appeared in my last post.

Heavy sigh...

Well, I didn't get either of the available positions. One of my interviews told me that I did do well enough, I had no answers wrong, I obviously have the knowlegde, I just needed to bring up more points under the "what skill have I got" and "why would you be a good addition to our team" categories. Which I knew.

I get into that small (yet surprisingly echo-ey) room and I metaphorically shrink. My brain shrinks, my voice shrinks and my ego shrinks. Tiny little specks about the size of Mickey Rooney. I'm going to give Mark Hellman a call and set up some voice lessons with him; I'm sure it'll help with the incredible shrinking voice part anyway.

On the plus side, last night my name ended up on its very first "incident report" at work. Yay. I had an evening shift at one of the branches and this... person (and I use the term loosely) was making a pain of himself on and off all evening. Very loud and abusive and more than a little drunk (I detected an alcohol-based funk following him around). It all came to a head when he was using the pay phone and yelling into it. The librarian asked him to leave but he acted like she wasn't even there. So, the police were called. He left before they could arrive, though, so we just called back and gave them a description. He was ranting quite a bit as he left, mentioned that he had been on the phone with "The Major". Um. Yeah. I guess we're all in trouble now. (Please note sarcarsm.) He then asked me where the way out was. We were about 10 feet from the very obvious front door.

As we were filling out the incident report, a patron who'd had her own run in with shared her experience with us. He was extremely rude to her, using profanity... while her kid was nearby!

The pitfalls of being a public library.

...

Okay, reading most of that over in print, it doesn't sound nearly as tense as being there. But believe you me, we had some adrenaline pumping at the time!

Deep breaths, dammit. Deep breaths...

There are a couple of permanent part-time positions coming up at the downtown branch of the library and my interview for them is imminent. Less than half an hour, actually. It's not a big deal if I don't get it, I'm getting plenty of auxiliary hours, but it'd be nice to have a regular schedule, not to mention benefits. And vacation time. Ooooh, vacation time. Still, though, currently doing well.

But, even though it's not a big deal, I'm still a big ball of anxiety. Okay, maybe a medium-sized ball of anxiety. My heart's beating faster that it really needs to and I'm all fidgety. I know I can do the job and I know I have a firm grasp on policy and procedure... It's just that "selling myself" thing. That just gives me the willies.

I should've taken a Gravol or something to calm myself down. Planned to, actually. In fact, I can clearly visualise the box of Gravol sitting on the bathroom counter at home right this moment. Can I have a "D'oh!"?

DISTURBING LIBRARY FINDS: #1 IN A POTENTIALLY ONGOING SERIES

So, I'm at the downtown library yesterday, pulling requested holds. And I find this on the list:

Yes, that is a bedspread featuring a full 3-D garden. When I first saw the cover, I simply said to myself: "Oh. My. God." I showed it to a few others back in the workroom. Their reactions: "Oh. My. God." Some of us discussed the possibility of yarn topiary. Using little, teeny tiny gardening shears.

So, I met with Mark Hellman for lunch on Friday and talked about where I want to go with the whole voice work thing. Wish to God I knew.

We did chat about the whole podcast phenomenon and I might do something with that. I really think I'm going to have to do a little "basic training" with him for a while first, though. I need a little help getting over constantly clenching my teeth. My jaw's like a rock. I must remember to send him links to Decoder Ring Theatre and Doctor Floyd, though, to give him a little idea of the kinds of podcast I'm enjoying.

In other news...

Last night, we actually had company over. Annie from the AmazonRPG mailing list was over from the mainland with her boyfriend Bryant, who I got to meet for the first time. Damn, these people are insane. And I mean that in the best way possible. Bryant has a number of "characters" that he likes to break out to confuse and embarrass those around him and he and Annie regaled us with tales of those characters' adventures. Lynn and I are considering cultivating our own to use, especially if we ever decide to go on a cruise. We're thinking undercover hitman and his helper/assistant/apprentice. "So, what do you do for a living?" "I'm not at liberty to discuss that." "Ha! Funny! So, seriously." "I'm not at liberty to discuss that." I don't think I could keep a straight face, though. God knows neither of us could stop laughing last night.